Created in collaboration with the Cri de ralliement, Fierté Montréal, and members of the community, this exhibition emerged from the participatory research project PnP & Consent, led by Maxi Gaudette (PhD candidate in Public Health at the Université de Montréal, Qollab). PnP/chemsex refers to the use of certain drugs, such as crystal meth, GHB/GBL, or ketamine, with the intention of having sex, mainly among gay, bisexual, and queer men, as well as trans and non-binary people. As part of the project, people who engage in chemsex were invited to take photos capturing their experiences, perceptions, and reflections on sexual consent in these contexts. They then discussed their images during an interview, allowing for a deeper exploration of these issues. The exhibition In the blur of pleasure highlights their artistic work. Each photo is accompanied by a title and a descriptive text or interview quote.
In this image hides the reflection of a man at rest, distorted by a warping mirror. The body blurs, everything becomes abstract. In the context of PnP, consent can also become blurry, distorted, and elusive. In this hazy zone, the boundaries of consent can dissolve, opening the door to situations that are not fully consensual. But, like the vivid reflections of blues and yellows in the image, this blur can also reveal flashes of freedom, intensity, and pleasure. — André Patry
There's a culture of risk in chemsex. How can I prevent this when I want to take the risk? I want to take the risk of surprise, of the excitement, of the unknown. So how do you get consent in these situations? I don't know, because I wanted to blur the lines by going into that gray zone. — Alex
During cruising there's something more mysterious and riskier too. Because there's a risk involved. It's like Russian roulette: you're going to have unprotected sex, and it spices up the intercourse. — Ali
"I'm the one who does the fisting or inserts the toys. Everything is discussed before we start. You need to really listen. You have to pay attention to his breathing, his eyes, to see if his pupils are too dilated. Is he too high? Can he understand what I'm saying? If not, we stop. Sometimes he says, ""No, no, more, don’t stop, don’t stop!"" And I say, ""No, no, we’re going to stop, you need to drink some water, you need to rest. Whoa!""" — Anonyme
“Oasis” once a joyful symbol of connection and community, now becomes a haunting echo of something taken from me— my agency, my safety, my consent. Through this piece, I’ve begun to liberate that word from the weight it took on. This spiral works both ways: it draws out what was trapped inside me, while also pulling me inward to confront it. It’s a reclaiming of space within myself. If someone who’s lived something similar sees this painting, I want them to feel liberation, expansion, and an awakened sense of self-care. Reclaiming this moment through art means I have the power to decide. I am not what happened to me, I am what I create from it. This is not just expression, it is resistance. — Carlos
«Ne pas voir le mal» · «Ne pas dire le mal» · «Ne pas entendre le mal» · «Ne pas sentir le mal» — Carl
— James Ottoline
Le rouge à lèvres fait ressortir ma féminité. Le tube de rouge à lèvres est plutôt phallique… C’est sensuel, et en fait, ça ressemble aussi à un clito. Le rouge à lèvres, c’est sexy, sexy, sexy… Et ces lunettes de soleil Lolita avec des arcs-en-ciel et tout ce délire. Tout est queer as fuck ! J’adore ça. Collier kinky, rouge à lèvres, lunettes de soleil en forme de cœur, cheveux teints fous et déjantés. C’est : « On est dedans à fond, girl ! » — Margie
Lors d’une soirée pleine de chems, on m’a violé. Deux de mes plus proches amis m’ont ensuite nettoyé, dans un silence traversé de douleur. Quelques jours plus tard, l’un d’eux me dit : « Tu l’as quand même un peu cherché. » Mon tutu sur cette photo, plus court que jamais, dénonce ce discours qui m’a fait autant de mal que l’agression. Mes dessous sont de couleurs aussi vives que la rage silencieuse qui m’habitait. Quand comprendrons-nous qu’aucune jupe trop courte, aucune conso trop élevée, ne justifierait une telle violence ? — Adrian
En deux ans intensifs de crystal meth, j’ai eu toutes les réflexions qui sont sur l’image. Ça m’a vraiment amené à faire un bout de chemin que j’aurais pas fait sans le crystal meth. Sans le crystal meth, je n’aurais pas su que je suis tout ça. Il m’a aidé à voir que : je suis un être humain, je suis bon, je suis mauvais. Je suis à la fois bon et mauvais. Avant le crystal, je pensais que j’étais une bonne personne, jamais mauvaise. Mais sous crystal, bien, je suis aussi mauvais. Et j’ai dû accepter ça, grâce au crystal meth. Dans le monde du BDSM, il existe un terme: le « shadow work ». C’est quand tu travailles sur toutes tes darknesses, toutes les mauvaises choses en toi, tu les explores, en quelque sorte. Apprendre ça sur moi a été une expérience spirituelle. — Kofi
"A barber pole light… spinning endlessly, with no beginning and no end. In PnP, when you’re in it, you always want more. More pleasure, more euphoria, and you don’t want it to stop. " — Anonyme
It was always the same modus operandi: I go to the same metro station, get off, head to the same ATM, withdraw some money, 200-300$, then I’ll have fun. That machine is the portal to one or two good hours of ecstasy. — Diego
When you're using, consent is never really clear. Often, I don’t even want to stay, but I end up staying, unable to leave. The truth is, I just can’t assert myself. — *Vnonyme
— James Ottoline
There are so many ideas in this photo. There's the whiteness of that well-known substance. There's also the slightly lost feeling of... where it takes me, personally. And I think that, when you're in that state, consent isn't clear, just like in my photo. The pattern of consent becomes very, very blurry, like frozen water. — BBM
Le gars qui est sobre est un mouton, lui qui fait du PnP, un cochon sexuel et lui en psychose, une poule pas de tête… Cette photo est un visuel qui représente vraiment clairement l’excès du PnP… Crystal meth gives you the sense of like, I’m free, je peux tout faire, right? High, j’ai consenti à vouloir faire tout ce qui est tabou et cochon. Mais, il y a une certaine puissance à pouvoir être a sober whore. One day, I’ll be fully there. — Kofi
“EYES” is a collage composed of photographs I took throughout Montreal’s Gay Village. For me, consent starts in the eyes. Before a word is spoken, there is a silent dialogue that unfolds in the way two people look at each other. The gaze can be an invitation, a boundary, or a question. The process of taking these pictures was almost cathartic. At first, I felt exposed, watched, but gradually, that feeling shifted. I stopped caring about who was looking at me and instead focused on capturing the feeling of being seen. This piece isn't just about observation, it's about reclaiming the power of the gaze, transforming it into something expressive, emotional, and affirming. — Carlos
Chemsex is a way of giving yourself completely without seeing yourself, so without self-judgment; a way of being ready for anything, of breaking taboos, of going all the way without knowing how else to get there. It’s accelerating full-speed into pleasure. And if there’s no fireworks, there’s still the thrill of the unknown, of surprise, of the inappropriate, the shameless, even the impossible. With crystal flowing through my veins, I feel neither fear nor worry of bruising myself. Tomorrow, I won’t know what I’ll look like. Nothing matters. And that’s exactly what I want. — Alex
Consent was about so much more than an agreement between two partners. There were so many parts at play within me, I started to realize how powerless I was over sex. I couldn’t give myself permission to leave, regardless of how dry and sore my body was, or how cold and cruel the person I was having sex with was. I was trapped by my own desire for intimacy, trapped by this endless need to use others and let myself be used. — Jake
Just through someone’s gaze, you can tell whether the other person is interested or not, without needing to speak. I look at their face. I look at their eyes, where they’re going. You can tell right away if it clicks or not… In this photo, you can see it in my eyes,a sense of curiosity, questioninga... A need for acceptance. Falling in love happens through the eyes, through smells, through attitude; it’s all of it together. — T4llge3k
That night when we had group fun in the sauna, and later on, in the hallways. The young blond guy, the Latino, and the daddy from out of town… With our non-verbal language, we understood each other without needing to speak. — Marc
Des nuits et des jours d’hypnose devant l’écran, à la quête d’un vide insaisissable. Dans ce sombre univers, le consentement est une toile d’araignée tissée de manière complexe, où l’hypnose nous transforme en zombies, animés par des ficelles invisibles. À ce stade, le consentement devient un leurre, distordu, fragile, faussé. — Adrian
I feel really dirty. I’m ashamed. I’ve never been comfortable fully letting go with a guy, and I don’t understand why that fucking shit makes me do it. I miss women. I’ve had a good time with guys, you know, but it’s not in my nature. I went too far. I didn’t listen to myself. I didn’t listen to my heart. — Éric
On ne peut pas vraiment parler de standards de beauté dans le milieu gai sans vraiment aborder l’aspect racial… Les gens recherchent des stéréotypes noirs. Alors soit que le Noir est le dom top avec une 20 pouces, ou le fem soumis esclave qui fera tout ce que le blanc veut. — Kofi
On parle souvent de cette « drogue du viol », et c’en est une. J’ai moi-même été agressée avec cette substance. Mais j’ai aussi une place pour cette drogue dans ma vie, comme un choix conscient et assumé… Quand je baise sous GHB, tout ce qui n’est pas le sexe cesse d’exister… En éliminant les inhibitions, il me permet de plonger pleinement dans la joie et les sensations fortes de l’expérience. — Margie
My experience of consent in the context of PnP has always been one of trying to piece together, after the fact, a moment of losing myself. Afterwards, you try to patch together the fragments of the last binge, to put the right pieces of your brain back in the right place, but there are gaps, and everything comes back in a light that's too harsh; neon lavender, I just know it hurts the eyes… This image conveys the idea that you can’t really close the loop of consent in the context of chemsex. This is the idea of consent that gets reconstructed once everything has already happened. — Grégory
Malgré son éclat captivant, ce crystal demeure pour moi un refuge de noirceur et de froideur. Sa beauté trompeuse contraste avec la distance qu’il impose, une séparation de soi et des autres, un miroir de l’isolement que parfois la brillance peut engendrer. — Adrian
Maxi warmly thanks the participants for their trust and expertise, as well as the Community Advisory Board who has guided this project from the very beginning. Thanks also to RRSPQ, Fierté Montréal, SSHRC, FRQSC, and CIHR for their financial support.
Crédit photo pour la couverture : Adrian
